I am puke
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
