I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
