billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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