i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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