I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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