lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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