Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
