So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
