somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
