I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
