I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
