I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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