Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
