just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
