I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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