Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
