This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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