I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Randomize
