Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
vagina is talking i cant
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize