So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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