I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
home. puking in laundry basket.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We had sex on a dog bed..
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
