Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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