Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize