I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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