your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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