True but thats because hes a fetus.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
