I must be too annoying 4 u.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
