do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Randomize
