I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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