I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The convent might be a nice break from real life
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
