last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize