As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
