I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I party with great urgency now.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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