Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
