Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
