the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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