dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
