You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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