Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize