Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
They took my balls.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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