Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
