I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
