I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
What a dumb baby whore.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
