you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
