Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
