Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
