i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
