She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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