He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize