now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
