Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
