sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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