found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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