Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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