New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
