Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
