Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
whose parrot is this?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
