And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize