11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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