You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
