My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
