Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
this is an emotional support booty call
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize