Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
