we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
