so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
