is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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