just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
