found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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