hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
