But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
