I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
