I smell stomach acid.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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