Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
