So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
