The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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