by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she pinky promised me she was 18
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We left the knife in your bed.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
