so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Randomize
