Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
