Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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