I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
