she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
