is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
