In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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