Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
