if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
