she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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