We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
