yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize