i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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