I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize