I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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