dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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