I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
