i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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