So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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