every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
