I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I got inside last night via doggy door
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
